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How to live in 2 States

Commuting in 2 states

Each month, I travel 1-2 times to Raleigh.  When E was offered the job in Raleigh, we had to quickly come up with a plan on how t live in 2 states. After several conversations, and throwing out scenarios, we decided seeing each other every other week would be a good solution for us.

E left in the middle of January and that first week was difficult for me. What do you do when your significant other is gone-the person you spend the majority of your time with?  There is only so much cleaning and website coding I can do!  After a couple of weeks, I was able to get into a routine and realized that 4 months would go by quickly and boy has it ever!

The first drive to Raleigh after he left wasn’t bad. It seemed to go by quickly and I said to myself, “I got this!”  It’s the drive back that really gets me.  Of course, I’m sad because I have to leave my 2nd home, but just the drive, in general, has become taxing.  4.5 hours on the road 1-2 times each month is a lot.

When you don’t see your significant other every day, you realize how much you are around that person, how much you talk, or all the important conversations you really have in passing and just don’t realize it!

E and I met in school while working on our Master’s degrees and became the best of friends.  I’m thankful we started out as friends because it’s made for a great relationship!  If you are someone who is trying to live in two cities like we are, here are a few tips to keep you sane and how to live in 2 states.

  1. Decide on how often you will see each other

    When E first got the job, we said we were going to see each other every weekend; that was emotion talking. Once we got over the emotionally charged decision of every weekend, we came to our senses and realized every other week was more realistic.

  2. Make it a point to talk often

    Even if we are in the same place, E and I have very active social lives individually and are involved in a lot of different things. Because of this, if we don’t focus, we could actually go a day or two and not speak to one another.  Not because anything is wrong, but because we are focusing on the wrong thing-not each other.

  3. Get a calendar

    A couple of years ago, our individual schedules were really busy and so I implemented a calendar for us. I keep it simple.  I created a Google account for us and we place events on the calendar.  If I tell him about something, the first thing he says is, “Did you put it on the calendar?” and vice versa.  It’s funny because when I first came up with the idea, he said, “We don’t need a calendar, Lynn.”  Now he’s the first to say, “Put it on the calendar.”

  4. See each other

    Forget the phone, have a live call-use Google Hangouts or Skype.  This lets you “see” each other and you can each be around each other.

  5. Be Flexible

    There have been times, based on our schedules where we have not seen each other for 3 or 4 weeks. Yes, it’s difficult, but getting upset isn’t going to make things better. If you’re upset, talk it out,  If you’re sad, be sad, but move on.  Don’t stew and wallow.

Learning how to live in 2 states isn’t easy, but if you both make an effort to be flexible and focus on each other during the time you’re apart, things will go wonderful and your time apart will be over before you know it!
See ya later!

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2 Comments… add one
  • Ashley 05/31/2016, 2:24 PM

    Communication, effort, and understanding! This is my answer whenever some asks me how I’ve maintained my LDR with my boyfriend for the last 2 years. Good Luck to you all! btw I live right outside of Raleigh!!!

    • Lynn 06/02/2016, 4:11 AM

      Hi Ashley! Those are excellent-effort and understanding is key as I’ve learned! It’s tough, which I know you understand, but so worth it. Where are you located? Thanks for taking the time to share your experience with me.

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